Anne of Three Minutes
Marion Parsons’ Songbook
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All the nice folk of Avonlea were quite horrified
When the Cuthberts, a spinster and her brother, had decided
To send for a boy from a mainland orphanage
To work around the farm and earn some sugar for his porridge.
Rachel Lynde said to Marilla, "Girl, you must be off your mind!
He’ll torch Green Gables, then he'll spike your water with strychnine!"
But the truth was even more shocking, when Matthew found a girlie
At the station in Bright River, name of Anne-with-an-E Shirley.
Now Marilla insisted, "This isn't what we ordered."
But Matthew was so captivated he implored her
Till she said Anne could stay on a sort of trial basis
And the child's zany antics put the Cuthberts through their paces.
Like mouthing off to Mrs. Lynde, "You're mean, and ugly too!"
Then "I shou'nt have said such wicked things, although they may be true."
She never said a prayer before, she was a perfect pagan
And she wished she had a fancy name, Cordelia or Megan.
Now when Anne met Diana Barry, on the moment's spur
They swore to be bosom friends while sun and moon endure
So they wrote gothic drivel and ice cream she tasted
Then she had Diana round for tea and got her good and wasted.
The cradlerobbing teacher and that horrid Josie Pye
She met at school and then was nicknamed carrots by Gil Blythe.
She told him just what he could do with carrots aforesaid
Then she took her little writing slate and wailed upon his head.
So Anne dyed her hair green and put liniment in the cake
And while being the lily maid got shipwrecked in the lake.
Matthew then put his oar in despite Marilla's peeves
He bought twenty pounds of sugar and puffiest of puffed sleeves.
Away to school in Charlottetown, she was her class' best
Then home to Avonlea and Matthew clutching at his chest
She tore down the For Sale sign, she'd stay and not forget
That tomorrow is a new day with no screwups in it yet.
When the Cuthberts, a spinster and her brother, had decided
To send for a boy from a mainland orphanage
To work around the farm and earn some sugar for his porridge.
Rachel Lynde said to Marilla, "Girl, you must be off your mind!
He’ll torch Green Gables, then he'll spike your water with strychnine!"
But the truth was even more shocking, when Matthew found a girlie
At the station in Bright River, name of Anne-with-an-E Shirley.
Now Marilla insisted, "This isn't what we ordered."
But Matthew was so captivated he implored her
Till she said Anne could stay on a sort of trial basis
And the child's zany antics put the Cuthberts through their paces.
Like mouthing off to Mrs. Lynde, "You're mean, and ugly too!"
Then "I shou'nt have said such wicked things, although they may be true."
She never said a prayer before, she was a perfect pagan
And she wished she had a fancy name, Cordelia or Megan.
Now when Anne met Diana Barry, on the moment's spur
They swore to be bosom friends while sun and moon endure
So they wrote gothic drivel and ice cream she tasted
Then she had Diana round for tea and got her good and wasted.
The cradlerobbing teacher and that horrid Josie Pye
She met at school and then was nicknamed carrots by Gil Blythe.
She told him just what he could do with carrots aforesaid
Then she took her little writing slate and wailed upon his head.
So Anne dyed her hair green and put liniment in the cake
And while being the lily maid got shipwrecked in the lake.
Matthew then put his oar in despite Marilla's peeves
He bought twenty pounds of sugar and puffiest of puffed sleeves.
Away to school in Charlottetown, she was her class' best
Then home to Avonlea and Matthew clutching at his chest
She tore down the For Sale sign, she'd stay and not forget
That tomorrow is a new day with no screwups in it yet.
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•Lyrics © 2004, music traditional
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•Synopsis of “Anne of Green Gables” by L. M. Montgomery, written in 1908
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•Set to the melody “St. Anne’s Reel”
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•See below for comments and chords
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•Promotional copy of CD single available on request
Hear the song (studio recording, MP3, 2:45):
Photo by Etienne P. Tache
Chords: (4/4)
G
All the nice folk of Avonlea were quite horrified
C G
When the Cuthberts, a spinster and her brother, had decided
G
To send for a boy from a mainland orphanage
C D G
To work around the farm and earn some sugar for his porridge.
G Am
Rachel Lynde said to Marilla, "Girl, you must be off your mind!
C D G
He’ll torch Green Gables, then he'll spike your water with strychnine!"
G Am
But the truth was even more shocking, when Matthew found a girlie
C D G
At the station in Bright River, name of Anne-with-an-E Shirley.
This song brings together one of Canada’s most loved novels and one of Canada’s most classic fiddle tunes. I was inspired by Scottish songwriter Adam McNaughtan, who set the plot of Macbeth to the fiddle tune Soldier’s Joy, and Hamlet to Mason’s Apron.
I recorded and released this song as a single in honour of the 100th anniversary of “Anne of Green Gables”. The recording and mixing were done by Brennan Galley of Fierce Mule Productions; the guitar and vocal tracks are done by me; musical arrangement is by Bill Cameron and myself. Promotional copies are available; please refer to the Order a CD page.